It has never occurred to me that one day my life will be full of twists and turns, just like a drama. I do enjoy watching dramas, but I refuse to experience one in my life. However, life always welcomes you with surprising gifts of which you never expected. That's the truth, nothing's gonna change that, and all you can do is to fix it up or adapt yourself to it.
Melancholy attacks me quite often these days. The sense of security is not part of me. The uncertainty and sorrow I have and am suffering from kill me bite by bite. Life, death, happiness, desire, pleasure, despair...I try to figure them out, but only find myself far from being intellectual.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness. It was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity. It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness. It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. We had everything before us, we had nothing before us. We were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way...well said, Charles Dickens.
I can still recall our last summer. It was warm,purple and golden.
i dont want to say anything about the past months coz i was living in the abyss for every second. i doubt whether i have the strength or competence to start a new life, hence, we have the title "a doubtful fresh start". those days gave me much thinking on what life is. i am just moving on right now, not knowing much about the future, just mechanically moving without any inner motivation or urge to do something special and meaningful.
recently i find that I'mindispensable to foreign TV shows and movies. it puzzles me a lot why im so attracted by the way foreign people live their life. the admiration and aspiration for a better life as depicted in the shows and movies form a sharp contract to the disappointment brought by the ugly and plain truth that i am living in a developing and new born country who is still on her way to pursue prosperity and dignity. i hate this fact, but i cant do nothing. though knowing that i have to accept this fact, I'm still not reconciled.
life is a chaos now, and the emergence of order is deadly in need.